Anxiety! Even the word anxiety makes me feel anxious. It’s the psychological equivalent of Kato jumping out on Cleusau from behind a wardrobe and karate chopping him in the face. It needs to be a better word like ‘flimble’ or ‘schmur’. I’m feeling a bit flimbly tonight, or I can’t go out because of schmur. 

I have been feeling this Way for a couple of days, and it’s because of the EU referendum, and the madness engulfing Labour. It’s brought me out in mind-hives. It started in the wee small hours of the count, when I could start to see everything going a bit wrong and I did my usuao election night thing of gradually starting to pray to the Gods louder and louder until I was basically doing a full mass including a goat sacrifice (No animals were harmed in this production). The next day I was left feeling bereft and in shock that Britain had actually gone and done it. Every scenario was racing through my mind about firstly, and selfishly, how will this effect me? How arebwe going to cope with the inevitable shitstorm to come for our finances and even having a roof over our heads. Then of course I started to realise who the real victims would be. Those who have risked everything to come here to work, and to escape actual slaughter. 

But, as well as migrants and refugees,  I started to think well what about battered women? What about children here who get one meal a day to eat, at school? For the British people and for migrants and refugees this is a shared tragedy. This is a lost hope that we all shared, of bettering ourselves and caring for each other. It’s gone now or at least it will never be the same. 

As for the Labour leadership “crisis”, wise up you twats and support your elected leader!

As for anxiety! Screw it, I will not let it beat me and I remember that at least I have the freedom to be anxious. 


They shoot stalking horses, don’t they?

Oh! Great Allah, Jeebus, or Great Dark energy cloud. Please please please for my birthday and Christmas combined let it be Ben Bradshaw. I don’t mind if John Mann wants to attack Corbyn, as he’s double hard and looks like he could kill a hundred Tories at once with one belligerent swipe of a competition black pudding.
But, imagine the slightly sinister Bradshaw?
Channeling Dirk Bogarde in ‘The Servant’ his cold dead eyes zeroed in on Corbyn’s jugular, our hero Ben is the shark waiting to strike from the deep dark.
Which will make his monumental slap-down all the more fantastic. The membership will leap to Corbyn’s defence like a steel cage of fuck-offs. The Blairites will slink off to sulk for half an hour, and all will be well.

Except of course it won’t be. Ever again. Just over 50% of the UK has decided to vote out in the EU referendum. A mass financial murder/suicide pact between wee Boris and gangly Gove for the keys to the Kingdom has been swallowed up by the electorate. We are now strapped into this folks, willingly or not, and may our children have mercy on our souls.

E.U. And who’s barmy

Well, as I come to write this rubbish its midnight on referendum eve. Similarly to Christmas eve, its full of last minute voters and giddy child-like politicians all hoping the actual day will go off like a charm and not the inevitable clusterfuck of raw turkey and screaming drunk fights as usual.

This whole campaign is being celebrated  as the worst period of politics since the Roman Senate. At least in Rome you could  look forward to being dead by Thirty.

So, how to vote? Do I vote to remain in the tyrannical E.U. With its goal of a Federal Superstate and the imposition of frightening trade deals that will destroy any last vestige of state accountability? Or, do I vote to leave and be stuck with a tyrannical Conservative Government with its goal of killing anyone who makes under 15K a year?

If your confused about the choice above then you’re not alone. I have never seen an election that has been so deliberately obfuscated by both sides. It’s almost as if we’re voting for the team that lies the least (i’m pretty sure that’s a first!).

My choice will come down to one simple factor. By simple I mean of course Boris Johnson. It was the former mayor who invented the caricature of Europe that we see played out in the right-wing media, and it is Boris’s manufactured love of Britain that has left him no choice but to kick Cameron in the nuts and steal his job.

Great fella. Great fella.

So, I will swallow the European dream invented by a bunch of Vichy fascists. Not because I like it. But because modern day Conservatives are actually worse than Nazi collaborators. What a time to be alive!